Når jeg går ut av tiden

Når jeg en gang blir gammel og skal dø, ønsker jeg at det skal skje akkurat slik: jeg har passert 100, er fortsatt i brukbar fysisk form, men noe tregere til bens. Det er ettermiddag og jeg har akkurat vært på en kort spasertur. Jeg har spist en deilig porsjon suppe og bestemmer meg for å hvile en time eller to. Jeg finner puta. Det nyvaskede hvite sengesettet omkranser kroppen min. Det er tidlig vår og jeg kjenner den skarpe luften som kommer inn gjennom soveromsvinduet. Jeg faller inn i en dyp, dyp søvn – og våkner aldri igjen.

Fredfullt og enkelt, med vinduet oppe til utlufting. For det er store muligheter for at jeg fremdeles er en ensom ulv og ikke blir funnet med det første. Da er det jo kjekt at noe av stanken siver ut gjennom vinduet. Litt mer behagelig for de som en gang måtte finne meg.

Og når jeg tenker på det hele blir jeg fylt med en dyp, behagelig ro. Døden er det ingen grunn til å frykte.

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6 kommentarer om “Når jeg går ut av tiden

  1. Very likely I’m not going to be the one who finds you, unlesss somehow I manage to become 135 years old or so. But if I do reach that age and I happen to be walking (stumbling) through your neighbourhood on this beautiful day in spring, past your house, and I see the window is open and it’s very quiet inside – then I might go have a look. 🙂

    • Never say never! 😉 Maybe we find a cure for aging in the next 10-20 years, and you will be more than 135. But I still doubt you will find me.

      I have been thinking a lot about how I’m going to live when I’m older. When I get quite old, I guess I will sell my apartment and use the money to enjoy life the most before I die, maybe do some crazy stuff. It’s hard to say how I’m going to live or even where. But at least I hope I’ll die in peace, at my own place with no one by my side. My biggest fear is to live many years in hospital or something. Mostly because of my traumatic past in hospitals (psychiatry).

      But I guess that a lot will happen to the health system before I get old. Maybe it will be normal with robots that can help us, so we are able to live alone even if we are very ill.

      • It will last another half a century before you are old. There is so much that can and will change in that time. Funny thing is, when I was your age people of 60 where considered old and they felt like that themselves. They even looked old, their faces and clothing. Nowadays, 60 isn’t at all old anymore. In a few years 75 won’t be old. Mind you: Mick Jagger is 72 or so and jumping around like a young dog! No doubt there will be devices later that will help the old and sick and likely the thinking and morals around illness will be different too. You are in this matter kind of an exception. Most people fear lonelyness when being old, you more or less fear to have to socialise 🙂

        • Yes, your so right! Much can happen in that time.

          And like you say, 60 isn’t old anymore. It isn’t like it once was. Actually I have multiple people near or over 60 that I really like to socialize with (when I rarely do so). The differences doesn’t have to be that big anymore. We meet people with different ages and shares a common interest, an a idea or something else that makes age totally irrelevant.

          I actually think I’m very privileged to not fear loneliness. Like you say, I more or less fear to have to socialize. And that gives me a a huge freedom! I don’t need other people, but at the same time: I’m able to enjoy their company once in a while 🙂

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